I just thought I’d put SOMETHING up to show I am still around and have not forgotten about this medium in its entirety! I’ve been giving some thought as to things I’d like to write about so you can expect some more postings soon.

In Leather

Donna

Another fun weekend awaits. I’m just finishing up packing (packing for two takes way more space that for one!) and getting ready for the trip out there. I don’t like travel at the best of time. Getting there is fine, the travel time to get there not so much.

It’s been a challenging year to say the least. Many things going on (or not) in my life which always makes things more interesting and not always in a good way!

I hope to have more to say after my Sagacity weekend. Now things are picking up professionally and personally too perhaps i will have more to say here in the upcoming weeks/months. I do miss writing here and will have to endeavour to get back into the swing of things. It’s hard sometimes.

I’m pleased to say that I was asked back to Sagacity as a speaker this time around. This was a pleasant surprise and is wonderful opportunity. I’m going to do a workshop on crossdressing but with more of an eye to finding out what people want to learn about it rather than me blathering on about myself for an hour. I would love to do further workshops on the topic but it would be great to see what people are interested in. To be honest I have not really seen many workshops on this topic at all at kink conference so I was a bit surprised by the enthusiasm of the organizers when it was suggested. I always thought of it as more of a fringe topic but perhaps I am wrong. It will be good to see what sort of crowd this topic generates. I hope it’s a success and people get something out of it. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on the topic after the fact and after I find out more about what people think about the topic as well as what they would like to learn. Maybe with a bit of luck I will get to do my fireplay workshop next year too (winks).

It’s always good to go to these events to meet up with the people you have not seen in a while (not since Primal!). I am also hoping to try out a new bit of play piercing I’ve been wanting to do now for a while. I am very keen to see how it works out! My new rope from Twisted Monk arrived too (black of course)!

Here is to a good weekend and more postings. It’s almost the end of the year; perhaps that can be a new years resolution…?

Once we got into the venue the first observation I made it was it was really *DARK*.  Not allot of lighting but I guess to help set the mood they chose this.  You were handed a bag for all your loot and goodies as soon as you got in and we started our circuit.  Most of it was what you would expect from vanilla sex shops that you can find on any high street.

The first aisle we head down we encountered some folks from our community selling their toys.  At least these were designed for more than “shits’n'giggles” play unlike the sex store variety of toys.  I especially liked the velcro komedy-kuffs they had.  At the end of the aisle we first went down they had the ‘dungeon’ where some people were demoing fire-play and some other misc light SM type activities (I think it was the Alberta Society for Kink that put that one on).  Good to see we had some presence there!  Going through the rest of the venue was very ‘more-ish’ although there were some exceptions.

One observation I made was the popularity of the glass dildos.  I had seen these for the first time at a Lupercalia vendors booth a couple of years ago and they seem to be popping up everywhere now.  There was a mobile piercing trailer/vehicle setup which was pretty cool.  There were a few unexpected booths at the event (Teeth whitening?  Head massage?  Oriental Medical Centre?  African made winter hats and hot sauce?  Pot accessories?  WTF?).  No idea what that was about.  Sampling Absinthe and other beverages wasn’t really related either but it was entertaining!  Oh ya, I totally recommend the Beaver Buzz drink they were promoting.  That was awesome.  The work of the body painting guys was really good.  Very creative stuff.  There was very little geared towards the transgendered individuals amongst us but given the overwhelming vanilla nature of the event I guess it’s not surprising.  It was good to see the guys from Priape in Calgary made it up.

What’s up with the pricing at these type of events?  We looked at the Hitachi magic wand (which appears to be the best vibrator ever!) and at the show they wanted between $125 – $135 for it.  Good luck with that one.  http://store.americanapparel.ca/magicwand.html - $65 Canadian, free shipping; oh ya plus $3 tax.  I am all for free enterrprise but some of the prices I saw there suggested they were just having a laugh.  There were a few things I would have entertained picking up if it wasn’t for the out of this world pricing.  The only things I picked up were some COCO Chanel rip-off earrings… is that sad or what?

Besides, I spent the rest on parking

If you went what were YOUR thoughts?

I flew out on the Wednesday to spend some time with friends in Vancouver (including Jim & Usha who I  would be sharing a room with at Sagacity).   Wednesday was fun, my Vancouver friends had an X-Box and we ended up playing Rock Star on it.  That + the stupid amount of liquor I consumed made for a fun evening.

Thursday was a chance to spend some time with Jim & Usha.  We borrowed a car from our hosts and I was shown around the part of town where he grew up.  We went for a walk in Stanley park and also had a walk in a park where his mothers ashes were scattered.  I felt pretty privileged to have him share this with me and it’s always interesting to see where people are from and what their childhood was like.  He was less than impressed at the state of his childhood home back yard however!!  Apparently the tree-house/fort and other parts of his growing up were all gone and the back yard did look to be in pretty rough shape.

We took the ferry over to Victoria on the Friday morning sans most of our luggage which the partner of our gracious Vancouver host was going to bring over that evening (and boy did we hear about that).  The Sagacity folks took care of our transport to the hotel which was nice.  My girlfriend, who met us at the hotel, also received the same hospitality by being picked up from the airport by the Sagacity organizers.  It was a reasonably scenic drive to Victoria and the island is very green!  I’ve never been on the island before (except on the way to the location of the Vancouver hook pull (another posting which I should really finish!) which was on Saltspring island in the summer) so it was all new and interesting to me.

We went for a bit of a wander around Victoria after we arrived.  The one thing it reminded me of the most was my time in the UK as it had a very English feel to it.  The wide sidewalks in the town centre and the shops.  Unexpected but a very pleasant wander and brought back some memories of times past for me personally.

The Friday night was a social/dance/demo combo in the main ballroom (the layout of the ballroom was really good, I like the 2 levels it had).  Jim staying with was doing a demo that night on fire flogging which I was looking forward to.  He asked me to help out so I took the job of lighting the floggers after they were soaked in camping fuel and just watching out for anything that may happen.  He started by doing some basic flogging on my girlfriend who was the demo bottom for this and that went well.  The time came to do the fire flogging and when he was ready so I lit his floggers and was hit with a wall of heat from the flames.  He then started his Florentine flogging with them and it was an awesome sight to behold.  He is a pretty imposing figure to start with being 6’4″ and pretty heavily built but with the addition of the huge flames he was wielding, the whooshing as they went by and the wall of heat I could feel from being so close was truely an amazing sight to say the least.  Unfortunately it was cut short as he set off the fire alarms in the hotel which was disappointing to say the least.  I am just glad the sprinklers were not activated as that would have been a disaster.  The demo had to stop and we managed to get the floggers out (usually you just use them until the fuel is used up but we had to put them out quickly as there was clearly no point in continuing).  We managed to get them out and just waited to see what would come of this.  The fire department showed up and then came in and had a look around and talked to the organizers to see what was the problem then left (which probably disappointed the uniform fetishists in the crowd as I am sure firemen were more than welcome).  It was amusing to see as they left and walked up the stairs out of the ballroom that they were shaking their heads.  I guess this was probably an explanation they had not heard before and probably did not know what to make of it.  I’m sure looking around the ballroom they probably got a good idea of what was going on though.  You never know, some of them may be back as participants next year

This brings me to another point.  I overheard conversations over the weekend that were aimed towards this demo and I was not happy to hear the vitriol that was aimed towards my friend.  “What was he thinking”, “he didn’t even touch her with the floggers”, etc.  Folks, this was an organized DEMO that was fully sanctioned and approved by Sagacity.  If you have a problem with it take it up with them as he was given the green light to do it and Sagacity even ran out and purchased the fuel prior to the demo (which was why it was a bit late).  The comments about “he wasn’t even touching her” struck me as equally uninformed.  Think about what he was doing!  Do you think his line of sight or vision is the best with 2 huge flames whooshing by your head?  He was working his way closer to the target being sure of his aim when the alarm went off so never got a chance to complete what he was doing.  Some people really amaze (and disappoint) me.

We spent the rest of Friday meeting new people and checking out the venue.  Lots of interesting people and I was looking forward to the workshops on the Saturday!

Saturday workshops.  I spent the day dressed en femme as well which is a nice thing to be able to do at these events.  I attended a full set of workshops and enjoyed them all. 

The first workshop I went to was “Esoteric Caning” with Master Konrahd & Slave Melissa.  I found it quite interesting and it whetted my appetite for learning how to use a cane a bit more.  It’s not something I’ve really considered too much in the past but this made it much more accessible to me so I will be looking into it in the future with interest.

The second workshop I attended was “BDSM: The Limits of Consent” with Sir Henrik.  I know Henrik from Edmonton (he was the one who did the legal work for when I bought my house) and I enjoyed his presentation very much.   It was a very stimulating discussion on what you can/can’t consent to and he gave a couple of legal cases from the past for people to look at and judge what they think the right outcome would be.  The real results of the cases were revealed afterwards and highlights the fact that justice is indeed blind (but is getting better).

The next workshop was the one given by my friend Louise titled “SM – A contact sport?” where she gave a demo into punching, slapping and kicking.  It was pretty intense watching her go to work on her stunt bottom Rowa and but quite enjoyable.  She plays HARD and I look forward to a session with her at some point in the future (ok grrrrrrfriend?).

The fourth session I attended was with Ruby Slippers entitled “Damsel in Dis-Dress” and it was just good fun.  It was a chance to learn about and work on some burlesque moves and I can now make my hips move   The presenter was a blast and it was very much an interactive workshop which made a nice change.

The last workshop I went to was Elwood’s “The Cup Runneth Over”.  It was a workshop on using a cupping set and all the fun and games you can have with that.  I’ve seen most this content before but anything Elwood presents will be entertaining and is worth a look.  The cup on the wound he created with the blood-jello-o it produced was particularly cool.

A large group of us wandered into Victoria after the workshops for some dinner.  We went to this awesome noodle/Asian restaurant (something like the Wok Box in Edmonton but it’s name escapes me right now) and had a bite to eat.  The downside to wearing full makeup is you need to avoid the super spicy dishes as sweating really doesn’t enhance your looks! 

The evening was the play party and social.  I enjoyed a cigar with Jim and had a hot play session with my girlfriend and we ended up in Elwood’s room drinking Tequila till a stupidly late hour.  A top evening all and all.

Sunday, the day after, as always was a bit more subdued.  The flight home and saying goodbye to the friends you’ve made is always a bit sad.  We had a nice breakfast in the Hotel with Elwood and his partner along with Konrhad and Melissa.  I had a chance to talk to Konrhad a few times over the weekend and I always enjoy my conversations with him.  He is one of the most intelligent people I’ve met and he can converse on many topics at a very high level.  If you get a chance for a one on one chat with him I say go for it.  He also gave Jim & I a couple of cigars to enjoy.  His taste in cigars is really good (and expensive).  I don’t know much about cigars but I’ve certainly enjoyed the ones I have had with him and it’s something I’ve been looking into as an occasional treat.

The Fishes (Sagacity organizers) gave us the fare to take the hotel shuttle bus to the airport.  I think this was a wonderful gesture well above what was required and it was definately noted.  I don’t know if all out of town guests receive this treatment or if it was because I was travelling as a companion as one of the speakers but it was a very kind gesture.

One of my jobs as a Lupercalia organizer is to attend an event or two each year to check out speakers and see how they are run.  There were some nice things about Sagacity that I think would be good take home lessons for us.  Their run books were 1st class.  I especially like the Fridge Magnet supplied; that’s a nice touch.  I did find the signupsheets for the classes a bit odd as they did not seem to be enforced in any fashion and the sign up board for the play party I had mixed feelings about.  Yes, it’s good to book a spot so you know when “you’re on” but it also gives you a fixed time limit.  When you start a scene I think having a fixed time limit is quite limiting as you don’t know where it will take you.  I know when I start a scene I don’t have a time frame in mind and you just play it by ear.  You lay out your toys and you might use them all or you just might use your hands the whole session; who knows?  I did like the H’odeurves that were served during the meet and greet on the Friday; that was a touch of class.

The demographics of the attendees seemed to be different to the Edmonton community.  Overall it seemed like it was a slightly younger crowd which gave it a slightly different energy. 

All and all a good weekend.  Would I attend another Sagacity birthday bash or recommend it to my friends?  YES!

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of attending a masters capping ceremony of one of our communities outstanding citizens.  It was a real eye opener for me organizing it from start to finish and I was very pleased as to how it turned out.

A bit of background first.  A masters capping ceremony in the leather community is a very serious affair.  It is the communities way of recognizing the achievements, contributions and commitment of an individual in their journey.  This individual must demonstrate the core principle values of honour, integrity, humility and respect and have demonstrated these over a sustained period of time.   It can be viewed as a coming of age or a right of passage that one receives from your community peers and elders.  Warlock, to those who know him in our community, is more than deserving of this honour.

We were honoured to have an outstanding leatherman such as Don Bastian come out to present this award to his protege.  The fact we managed to keep this as a total surprise to Warlock made it all the more enjoyable for all I think (and the look on his face when it sunk in what was going on was priceless).  It was a wonderful ceremony that was serious and touching and had its good humoured moments too and some socializing at the end.   Getting 30 leathermen to take off their boots to go on the new carpet in my basement was no mean feat either (nice socks Scott ).

I will be more than pleased to address him as Sir Warlock in future.  A title well deserved.

This experience is part of my own personal journey in this community.  I still consider myself a pretty junior leatherperson.  I was pleased with the support I had in trying to organize this long overdue honour and it was a very educational and humbling experience for myself.

I’ve spend alot of time trying to figure out where I personally fit into this culture.  If you look at some of the early writings on the topic (such as the Leathermans’ handbook I and II) it is primarily a gay underground culture and never shall the two meet (the two being myself as a crossdresser and leather culture as it was defined at that time [Think Bikers and Marlboro Men]).  Over time this has evolved.  For good or for bad who is to say?

Personally I think the change in leather culture can be traced to the commonality of access to the Internet and, to a much lesser degree, the pop culture acceptance of “kinky folk” as being somewhat “trendy”.

With the Internet the ability to look this kind of stuff up or try and meet people/groups who share your interests has become infinitely easier.   You can probably go to any decent size city and with a 10 minute session in an Internet cafe attend your first munch within a week.  The way this used to be done was much more underground and harder to get into due to the inherent “clique” nature of such groups.  Now anybody can go into an adult store, kit themselves out with the latest leather gear and toys and call themselves whatever name appeals to them (Sir SupderDom To the Known Universe to YOU pal!).  This, of course, carries with it it’s own inherent dangers and issues.  But I digress, this is another topic for another post at some other time…

I think times are changing and Leather culture has certainly evolved from how it was in the 70s or even the 80s.  Warlocks girl pyxy lent me a book by Vince Andrews called the “Leatherboy Handbook” which was an excellent read and, I felt, probably the best up to date explanation of what this culture is all about in the here and now.  I’ve added this book on my books list (you can find it here or use the “Book List” tab above) It will change in the future of course and this is one persons opinion (to a large degree I think there is no “right” or “wrong” answer on this topic.. much of it is a state of mind or being even – I feel there is a very strong philosophical element to this).

Anyway, that is some initial musings on the topic.  Any comments/observations are more than welcome.  I am sure I will post more on this topic sometime in the future.

Stay tuned.   I’ve had some interesting experiences at the Vancouver Hook pull, Primal Pain, some new adventures out and about en-femme and more!  Still processing some of it and trying to make some sense of it all…

Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever

I was listening to my music collection on shuffle today and Billy Joel’s “The Stranger” came on.  That made me think back to this afternoon when I was at work out back enjoying a cigarette and thinking to myself “Nobody around me at work really knows what I’m about or what I get up to.”

And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone

It’s interesting being an “alternative lifestyler”, “kinkster”, <insert term here>.  There are some of us that wear our flag with pride be it Leather, BDSM, or what have you.  I applaud those individuals that display what they are about and have no shame in discussing what it is they do with whoever asks.  Unfortunately I lack the courage or ability to do so in my life.  It could have negative ramifications at work, in family, etc so I work on a “need to know” basis and my co-workers, family, neighbours, etc don’t really need to know in my opinion.  Why make your life more complicated?  I do have a deep admiration for those that are able to do this and have the courage to do so.  They are the true trailblazers who will make what we do more acceptable and raise public awareness in a positive light over time.

Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather

I think one of the biggest issues I have is the crossdresssing side of my kink.  Public perception of it is not the most positive and I think the CD community is probably decades behind where the Gay community is now.  Of course, one of the reasons for this is lack of public role models that people can look at and see for themselves that “hey, this person isn’t a mass murderer or child molester, they are just into something different than I am!”  There is still a great negative attitude towards it and many stereotypes that are simply not true associated with it that it is hard for those vanilla folks to wrap their heads around.  The other parts of my kink life that I get up to I am more willing to discuss or reveal or at the very least would not be too concerned about if others found out.  It’s kind of humourous in an ironic way because crossdressing is probably one of the most harmless kinks/fetishes out there as it hurts no-one except your pocket book as it’s probably one of the most expensive kinks out there!!

They’re the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on

Having this intense need for privacy makes it difficult to make close friends.  Don’t get me wrong, I have an awesome leather family who I love and respect deeply and they are the core of my private life and that’s ok.  It just means when you get to know people you have to make some difficult decisions on how much of yourself you are willing to invest or reveal in the relationship to make it grow.  A difficult call sometimes… do they want to meet The Stranger?

I have a few topics and experiences to share this time!

I went out with my friend ~L~ and another crossdresser (in male-mode ugh!) to West Edmonton mall a few weeks ago to get him started with some basic makeup and some accessories (that was an expensive day, especially for him… MAC ain’t cheap!).  It was a fun afternoon out and ~L~ introduced me to several new shops that I have not been in before and I picked up some awesome stuff (including the best Mascara ever, this stuff is REALLY good) at Sephora (http://www.sephora.com for the store, you can find the mascara here: http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P112709&categoryId=S10510&shouldPaginate=true).  Now that I’ve looked at their website I see they have over 140 different mascaras, that’s insane!  Another good shop I was shown was the Make-Up store (name is just what it is!).  You can check out their site here: http://www.makeupstore.se/  Apparently Edmonton has the only Canadian store (they are a Swedish company) but they had allot of fun stuff although their product packaging was very MACesquie.

Just looking around these stores (especially Sephora, it was very large store) made me aware of how powerful the fashion industry was and how much influence it has on women’s lives.  I saw allot of very young women (girls) looking through all the products.  I had to admit I wonder how many of them actually needed the things they were purchasing and what their motives were.  Looking through any fashion magazine you can see what the industry would like you to believe.  This product will make you more desirable, will make you look younger, will give you the illusion of being thinner, will make you fit into the image we’re selling, etc… I do feel a bit of guilt from time to time as by crossdressing I myself am subscribing to this philosophy and supporting this industry (but it’s what I do and part of who I am… but why?).  It is a real double edged sword with what I do sometimes and I find it hard to find the answers.  The products and looks do make me feel good about myself and the image I can project to those around me… is that a bad thing… practicing a bit of escapism that, albeit is somewhat unusual, hurts no-one?  Who knows?   It reminded me of an incident in a Doctor’s waiting room I had a few months ago.  Whilst I was waiting for my turn to be seen a gorgeous young woman sat next to me in the waiting room.  Perfectly made up, well dressed, etc.  She picked up a magazine and I noticed she was reading the ads for facial cosmetic surgery.  I couldn’t believe it… seemed kind of sad. 

This must be moral dilemma day.  A basic unwritten rule in our community is you don’t “scene” around people where it is non-consensual (IE they are not in on it or aren’t in the “lifestyle”).  So here’s a question for you; when I go out dressed to a public place like a mall am I scening in public and would that be considered non-consensual?

Safety.  In our community it is a mantra that is repeated over and over again and is gone over ad-nausium.  With the type of play that we get up to in the community here safety is always an element of concern of course.  You should be reasonably proficient with whatever type of play you are doing and take the proper safety precautions.  I feel sometimes that we are getting too carried away with the safety aspects of everything.  We seem to be going overboard on being super-safe and missing out on what play is all about to start with (for most of us).  I don’t know if I am in the minority with this point of view but I think we can sometimes get a little too enthusiastic ensuring everyone is wrapped in cotton-wool and sterile to ensure they pass through whatever activities are done to them unscathed.  The play party might as well smell like a sterile hospital room (and I’ve been to some where the smell of cleaner is very prevalent).  I even found some support for this point of view in some of Fetish Diva Midori’s writing (she writes very interesting essays on kink).  Two quotes I found come to mind:

We need good information and quality education to maximize the fun, but there’s a point where we can lose sign of the forest for the trees.  The focus on tehnical expertise and sometimes near-paranoid focus on risk obliteration paralyzes players from living the joys of the experience itself. – Midori, Wild Side Sex:  The Book of Kink, Daedalus Publishing, 2005, pp 71 (Essay: 25 Years: Kink State of the Union).

and

Play parties smell more of antiseptic surface cleaners than sweat, blood and cum.  This may simply be part of the social evolution of the community, but it does dampen my leather lust.  I found myself wondering, `What’s going on here?’ – Midori, Wild Side Sex:  The Book of Kink, Daedalus Publishing, 2005, pp 116 (Essay: Measure of a Perv).

I have allot of respect for Midori and her writings and have seen her speak on several occasions.  She’s travelled the world preaching kink and has made a living out of it so I think her opinions carry of a bit of street credibility. 

I wonder how many other high profile kinksters are secretly thinking the same?

Oh ya, and she is incredibly hot in a latex dress.

The book I’ve quoted out of above is on my book list on this site if you are keen.  I would highly recommend it as an interesting and educational read!

I’d love to see some comments/feedback on some of the issues I’ve raised in this posting!  Comment away!

A requiem is a mass for the dead or a musical setting for such.  I had the opportunity to go the ballet en femme to see Mozart’s Requiem and it was brilliant.  This was Mozart’s final composition before his death and is thought of in some circles as one of his most powerful works.  The theme of death and honoring those who have lost their lives in modern conflict was first and foremost in this production but life always re-appears and hope springs eternal.  A re-birth of sorts if you will.

Spending the evening at the Ballet en femme was fun too.  It is always great to get an opportunity to go out and indulge in your self expression.  I was disappointed that when I first got there I seemed to have been “read” by a couple before I even got in the door but overall I think it went very well.  That vast majority of people did not notice anything unusual and the ones who had a glance probably could not decide so all was well.  Still a bit nerve wracking for the first little while but you relax as the night goes on.

A special friend ~L~ was gracious enough to invite me (in a gorgeous velvet dress she made for me, the same one I wore to see the Opera Madame Butterfly some years ago!) to see this ballet with her.  It’s been a long time since I have done anything with this individual as sometimes in life you make choices that can have a negative impact on your relationship(s) and those around you.  I’ve done that and have learned from it.  I try to live my life with integrity and honesty displayed first and foremost where in the past I have shown weakness and primariliy thought of myself rather than others who were important in my life.   A bitter pill to swallow but I am a far better person for recognizing these flaws in my character and correcting them.  You can’t fix the past but you can move forward and not repeat the mistakes you’ve made

Time passes, people change and move on.  We’ve started talking again and everyone concerned has mostly come to terms with the past and we are starting to more forward and re-develop friendships/relationships and to learn about how one another has changed.  This opportunity to accompany her to the ballet was a big step for me in this process and an enjoyable evening all around as the evening was topped off with popping into a friends 50th birthday celebration.  Even though we got there late after the Ballet the number of people there was impressive and highlighted the importance of your friends and developing the relationships you have.

The ballet seemed especially fitting as in many ways it was a re-birth of an old relationship where not long ago this would not have happened.  The symbolism of this did not escape me.  She’s also agreed to let me practice my fireplay on her so that’s an added bonus I’m quite excited about!

As well as the re-kindling of old relationships new ones are developing.  Another wonderful lady I have been talking with and went out with once came around to play a bit of live “Barbie” with me such as having a play with hairstyles and I gave her a bit of a fashion show.  I was really pleased she took the time out to come around and spend some time with me showing me various things and having a bit of a play on working with “what I’ve got”. 

My girlfriend and life partner has been awesome thoughout this.  We’re both doing a bit of exploring of the things we like to do with others and provided it is managed carefully I think this can be fufilling for all those involved.  In many ways I found this weekend very rejuvinating.  I’ve been needing an extra spring in my step for awhile as I was getting pre-occupied with work and perhaps missing out on the people and things going on outside of that environment. 

The past, present and future all seemed to play a role this past weekend and what an awesome weekend it was!